Ways to Destroy a Guardian (Especially that white-haired one)
by Cocoaflower
Summary: It's basically humourous random stories about Pitch's (failed) plans to destroy the guardians (especially the most annoying guardian). Series of one-shots/two-shots/three-shots. A good friend of mine and I do this not as Pitch fans but as Jack Frost fans. Hope you enjoy this and help us by reviewing this story. Requests, anyone? And thank you if you click and read this. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

We do this not as Pitch fans but as the Spirit of Winter, Guardian of Fun a.k.a. Jack Frost fans. A good friend of mine and I have decided that we will get over our overly-hyper selves by creating these scenes and sometimes, multi-chapter short stories... PLEASE BE REMINDED: We do not do this to indicate we're the owners of the movie/book. Hell no. We're doing this because we're purely fans of this movie and books and we do not own the Rise of the Guardians in any way. Only this plot, parts of it actually.

So before we start, first thing's first. EACH CHAPTER WILL HAVE ONE ENTRY OF THE BOOK AND A STORY BASED ON IT. Please enjoy and comment.

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_Ways to Torture and/or Exterminate the Guardians (specifically that annoying white-haired kid called Jack Frost)_

_This book is created for entertainment and I suppose, an excellent source of methods to destroy the guardians. My friends, I am called Pitch Black, or what the man in the moon calls, the Boogeyman. Boogeyman? Why would I be called something that ridiculous such as the Boogeyman? Well… the moon said so._

_I've come up with a few reasons of why I despise the hateful Jack Frost. (In alphabetical order…)_

_-Annoying_

_-Boastful_

_-Catastrophic_

_-Disgustingly Happy_

_-Extremely Annoying_

_-Feeble-minded_

_-Gabbling_

_-Half-Baked_

_-Irresponsible_

_-Japing_

_-Kill-joy (For me anyway…)_

_-Loathsome_

_-Moronic_

_-Nosy_

_-Obnoxious_

_-Pitiful_

_-Quizzical_

_-Really Annoying_

_-Snide_

_-Teasing_

_-Unfair_

_-Very Annoying_

_-Weak-minded_

_(There is no need for a word with 'X'…)_

_-Yellow (as in the cowardly way.)_

_-Zany _

_As you can you can see I am very vengeful for Jack Frost. I'll tell you why… Never mind maybe some other time… I have a busy schedule, you know torturing the guardians, cleaning my dark fortress… all those things. Maybe I should start with this bag of salt…_

* * *

It was pretty normal day for Jack Frost. Being kicked out of North's workshop for accidentally knocking over a HUGE assortment of Phil's toy robots while elf-bowling his final strike to win. Really, it wasn't his fault. At least, Jack thought it wasn't. Jack swore that the elf he was bowling with stuck his tongue out at him before knocking over the robots.

Jack tried to have fun with his friend, the Easter Bunny. But as soon as he got in to one of the Bunny's tunnels, a totem egg appeared and kicked him out as well. Just his luck. He did try to visit the Sandman… but he didn't know where Sandy lived. Then the wind carried him over to Tooth's palace.

Tooth was more than happy to see him, or rather his teeth. Baby Tooth was too busy but, she stopped for a quick hello. The other fairies started to swoon, Jack decided to leave before he got stampeded.

It was then that Jack finalized to go to Burgess and play with his first believer, Jamie Bennett. When he got there, classes were still in session and Jack didn't want to disturb them, having earlier in the week, told by Jamie, that he liked school.

Jack didn't really have any thing important to do at the moment, so he decided to do what he did best. Mess around. With a tap of his staff on the road, black ice formed. He chucked a few snowballs here and there, maybe accidentally hitting some elders in the process. Then he proceeded to somewhat freeze the gas pumps, just for a little fun and entertainment to see the peoples' faces. As he did this, Canadian geese were flying towards a warmer destination. His face lit up as he flew towards them and poked one of them on the rear. The goose honked with a bit of shock and changed its direction to the hysterical laughing figure behind him. As it was, for a few minutes, Jack had the whole pack playing tag with him, unwilling so.

Being goose-chased (quite literally), time seemed to 'fly' by. Jack went back to Jamie's elementary school to see if school was out yet. Although, when he landed on the ground, he felt a burning sensation at his feet, almost as if his feet were on fire. With a yelp, he jumped off the side walk and on to the road… which also had the same result. Balancing on one foot, he checked to see if he stepped on anything and all he could see was little white pebbles. Wondering what it was, Jack picked one up and dropped it almost immediately as it seemed to be like acid.

Jack frantically hopped or rather half-flew away from the strange substance. As his feet touched another ground, it had the same effect. The further he got from the school, it seemed to increase dramatically, especially on driveways and roads. With another attempt, Jack settled down in an alley, the only seemingly safe place for his feet to cool off.

Quite afraid the pebbles, he stumbled further in to the alleyway where there were none of them on the ground.

"Oh, you poor thing. Are your feet hurting? Poor Jamie will be devastated that you can't touch the ground." A dark voice came out of nowhere.

Jack swiftly turned around with a slight wince to face the voice. "Pitch…"

"Yes it's me. Who else would hide in an alley way?" the shadow seemed to have a smirk on his face.

"You did this to me didn't you!" Jack fumed quietly.

"Did what?" Pitch feigned innocently.

"This! These pebble things!" Jack furiously gestured to his feet.

"Pebble things?" Pitch chuckled with a bit of sarcasm in his tone. "Not very convincing, are you?"

Jack snorted. Pitch stared at him for a moment before sighing. "You mean the salt? Oh no, I didn't do that."

"I don't believe you." Jack frowned.

"You never have." Pitch said amusingly. "Ah, so it is the salt! That… is what humans put on their driveways, roads, sidewalks and parking lots during the winter so they don't slip."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"The salt dissolves the ice and snow. Which, would be you."

Jack pretended he hadn't heard, and scraped even more fiercely at his feet because of the salt. After a few seconds of scratching the bottom of his feet, he moved to his clothes and pretended to dust them off.

One of Pitch's eyebrows twitched. "In which case, I have, right here."

Jack nonchalantly looked at Pitch with the still raised eyebrow. "Is that a threat?"

Pitch glared with annoyance. "Yes. Yes, it is." With that, he threw salt towards the teenager.

Jack scowled slightly at the reappearance of the white pebbles. He tensed as it flew towards him. In his mind, a mental image of himself with searing red skin appeared. Panicking, he raised his staff a little higher.

It was a tense moment before the salt reached its destination… Not at Jack… but a few feet before him. Jack, being all tense, immediately laughed at Pitch's supposed throw.

Pitch stared at the salt. He quickly recovered by saying something scientific, "Apparently… rock salts' masses are heavier than I thought…"

"Maybe it's just your pathetic aim," Jack managed to say mockingly through fits of laughter. His breathing evened as he eventually got his laughter under (some) control. With a few bursts of laughter still, he taunted. "I must thank you for the info. Now, I know not to touch the ground when I'm playing with Jamie in the winter. Ta ta, now~!"

With those words, Jack flew off back towards Jamie's school.

Pitch just stood there fuming silently. "Come back, you coward…!" He shouted to Jack.

Jack cocked his head sideways as if confused. "What?" Then he thought to himself before having a laughter fit in the sky.

'_Your pathetic aim… PITCH, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAN'T EVEN THROW TINY ROCKS PROPERLY! …And to think you're the King of Nightmares…'_

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CONGRATS TO YOU FOR READING TO THE END…!

You know that you're a Rise of the Guardians fan when…

1. Whenever you see salt on the ground, you start picking or kicking pieces off the ground to clear space for Jack Frost.

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This series of random one-shots, two-shots and maybe three-shots is the kind of series where people can request the stories. We do not guarantee we'll do them as quickly as you send them or even the next chapter after that. If there are no requests, we will keep up with random ideas that pop up in our heads.

We do hope you enjoyed this chapter and we sincerely wish that you would review or comment for the sake of improving, praising or criticizing our story. Thank you, and have a nice day.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters…. Just the funny moments.

First of all, we must thank all the readers and reviewers… (especially the reviewers.) Anyhow, during the last chapter, Pitch had a plan that JUST might actually worked… if it weren't for his pathetic aim. (We hysterically laughed at the sentence.) What is he planning next?

'_Your pathetic aim… PITCH, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAN'T EVEN THROW TINY ROCKS PROPERLY! …And to think you're the King of Nightmares…'_

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Day 2 - Date unknown… around winter….

_I, Pitch Black, King of Nightmares, can not simply believe that I missed that stupid throw. That was most definitely the perfect plan… Other than talking to him about his fears… that didn't work as well as I thought. But now, I have a different plan… I will team up with one of Jack Frost's worst enemies; The Sun. _

_The Sun… now that I mention it, he is kind of my rival too, considering that darkness and light don't go well together… But it is for a good cause. Both of us would have gotten rid of Jack Frost. (*Insert Evil Laugh Here.*) Both of us would benefit! …However… he might oppose me as well. This plan is more bound to fail than I originally thought. Whatever, I shall go on with this uncertain strategy. I might improvise on the way though…_

* * *

The Sun, a yellow round ball of flames, and yet Pitch wants to have an alliance with it. It is an odd situation within itself.

Pitch stood in the shadows and spoke. "Oh, Mister Sun… Are you having a fine day?" With no response, he continued. "I have a preposition for you… you do want Jack Frost gone, yes?" "Well, of course you do! Who wouldn't want that brat gone? Well, a temporary truce is in place, if I may." "We could join forces and accomplish something that both of us long for."

As Pitch spoke, other legends (or other believers) may think he is insane… is he talking to himself? If you are that person, then yes, you are entirely correct. He IS talking to himself. For, Mister Sun, is not an actual being. Well actually, he is but nobody can contact him, or talk to him or whatever.

Pitch smirked before raising an eyebrow (more like the space where they're supposed to be…), "So what do you say? Shall we?"

After another quick moment of silence, Pitch burst in to laughter which consisted of slight insanity. "Of course, of course! That was a wise decision, my friend. Let us do well in this business."

* * *

Jack smiled, another day of successfully making snow days. Snowflakes tumble down to the ground. However, around the white-haired youngster (or elder…), time seemed to slow down as the delicate and precise of the snowflakes are clearly seen as they floated silently and slowly to the plush white snow below. Jack flicked his hand as a heavier curtain of snow came raining down. He twirled his finger and a few snowflakes turned and flew through the air and on to his finger. Then, with another motion with his hands, a shift in the winds came and blew the snow westward.

As he settled down on the nearest roof (successfully avoiding the salt on the pavement), he flopped down and made himself comfortable in the white blankets of snow and ice. Absentmindedly fingering an icicle that hung on the roof, he let himself have a tiny smirk at the sight below. Tongues were stuck to ice as they tried to drink from the water fountain, a teenager toppled down as another snowball fight began and Jamie Bennett and his friends sledding down a hill of snow before landing in a heap. However, his eyes squinted as he saw the shadow of the sled grow larger than the ordinary. He narrowed his eyes before hopping down towards the sled and peering at the shadow below. Moments later, the shadow returned to the original shape almost as if in fear. Another smirk danced across his face before ignoring the calls of the children and flew away towards a nearby tree.

* * *

Pitch Black smiled as he saw Jack Frost fly over. With a plan in mind, he disappeared again, only to reappear at the shade of a nearby tree. His smirk only grew bigger when Jack Frost decided to fly over.

He materialized out of the shadows to greet him. "Hello, Jack Frost."

Jack narrowed his eyes at Pitch. "What do you want Pitch? Here to redeem yourself after your humiliating defeat with your pitiful salt last time?"

Pitch ignored the comment before replying, "Oh no, why would I do that? I already have a better plan in mind."

Jack deadpanned, "And you just proved me right." Then he raised an eyebrow with a quick switch of reaction. "So what do you really want?"

"This time, I'm better prepared for you, Jack. A powerful companion that has strength equal to the wretched Man in the Moon." He gave a smile that ghosted over his face for a moment at the sight of Jack's bewildered face. Then he continued with his smirking expression on, "The opposite of him to be exact. And your greatest fear as well."

Seeing Jack's slight puzzled face, he chuckled. "Oh, my dear Spirit of Winter, you have so much to learn." He let out another chuckle before adding. "You see, Jack, who is the one who burns your feet when you step on to the sidewalks?"

"Uh… the humans?" Jack said confusedly.

"Correct! And…" Pitch paused. "Wait, what exactly did you say?"

Jack rolled his eyes impatiently and tapped his staff on the ground, causing some frost to accumulate. "I said…" he growled out irritably, "…the humans."

Pitch chuckled once more, "Ah, no. I meant on summer days."

"Well, the sun heats the sidewalks up, and it burns my feet. So what if it does that? It doesn't mean the Sun is my greatest enemy." Jack raised an eyebrow at the nightmare king.

Pitch disappeared once again to the shadows before appearing in front of Jack, "He burns you." With that, he began to circle the guardian of fun with the intimidating aura around him. "And once he's done with you, you'll become a puddle of water. Just a poor little puddle of water… where the Guardians will never find you."

Pitch shouted, "Now, come, oh mighty Sun!"

Clouds loomed over the sky, and for a moment, everything stood still. Then, the sky grew dark and light, fluffy snow began to fall.

Silence struck, and after a few seconds, Jack hit Pitch with his staff since Pitch just froze after saying the last words.

Jack, slightly puzzled, questioned Pitch. "You do know that no one knows if there actually is a guardian or person on the sun, right? Much less that we can even communicate with him or her. Besides, I'm usually in Russia during the summer, (or some where that's cold) because I can't stand the heat anyways..." He flew up and over to Jamie and the others, whilst saying, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to do, other than tampering with some, 'revenge-crazy' legend," leaving Pitch in dumbstruck silence.

* * *

You know when you're a Rise of the Guardians fan when…

2. You scowl at the sun, saying it was too hot, and start mumbling, "I'm sure this is why North decided to build Santoff Claussen at the North Pole."

* * *

We apologize for the long wait, and the previous chapter's 'You know when you're a Rise of the Guardians fan when…' because it was supposed to be something different. You can read that part again, if you'd like.

We thank you for reviewing, putting this fic as favourite, and putting this fic on your alert. We're both high school students, so we cannot update this as fast as you'd like it… but there is one way, that will increase the update pace. On my profile, there's a poll. Vote for this story to be updated regularly and if you, fans, are in the lead, then this story will be updated regularly!

Also! We cannot write a fan fic without any ideas, and since we are all out (of ideas)... (because it was a one shot) it would be most appreciated if in the comments, to post some of your (ideas). Some ideas, we will accept, and others might not work for us, so please do not be upset if your ideas are not posted.

Good luck and please review.


	3. Chapter 3 (Part 1 of 3)

Welcome back to WtDG (Ways to Destroy a Guardian… [especially the white-haired one.])! And here we are for Chapter 3~! Enjoy, and please read the note after the chapter is finished.

Disclaimer: Although we would like to own RoTG, unfortunately for us, and fortunately for the world, we don't… because we'll fail the movie if we did, unlike the amazing creators of RoTG.

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WtDG Chapter 3

_Day 3 – Unknown Place – Unknown Time_

_I must say, that winter sprite has quite the spirits; I cannot sense even a tinge of fear from him. But, no matter, that will be solved very soon. For it is I, Pitch Black, who will see that spiral of fear twirling up to my hand and curling around my arm like the sweet little nightmare it is. Of course, that surge of fright can only be from one certain person, or rather, one group of people; the Guardians. Only the Guardians will be able to fulfill this covetousness for me, the massive wave of dread that will be before me. Oh, I can even imagine that-_

_Oh dear me, it is time already. The time to flood them with terror and horror-_

_*clears throat* Yes. Sandy, my old friend; my nightmares are ready, are yours?_

* * *

The guardian of dreams smiled and waved his hand about, tendrils of sand flittering down to the world beneath. A unicorn, no doubt Cupcake's, galloped with a sense of happiness with the rider, the girl sweet and young. Wisps of golden sunset sand spiralled down towards other homes and suddenly, as Sandy was doing his job, golden sand rose to form a cloud.

Sandy stared with delight, it normally didn't do that, but he knew exactly when it flowed like that. The golden sand took the shape of an enormous cloud, and as a figure arrived at a distance, marigold snowflakes began to fall.

It signified; the Prince of Winter himself, Jack Frost has arrived. Swirling winds drifted the gamboge snowflakes to whirl around the coming spirit and in the midst of all the dandelion yellow, icy blue flakes blended in. A current of bicolour snowflakes drifted towards the old sandy-haired guardian of dreams, announcing the young guardian of fun's arrival.

"Sandy!" A breeze carried the young boy's voice towards Sandy, as he got nearer.

Sandy gave a small wave of delight to see the winter spirit. It was rarely so that the guardians meet up, excluding the newest guardian. They were simply too busy to have time for visiting. Tooth and Sandy were working almost every day; Bunnymund and North had to prepare everything for one big day; but Jack, Jack Frost, he was a free spirit. He could not be confined. And also, since Jack had the chance to spread winter everywhere (in time) around the world, almost every guardian could meet the youngster flying around each year. Of course, there was another exception. The Easter Bunny sometimes was either in his Warren, or simply did not want a day full of pranking and teasing from the playful Prince of Winter.

Jack Frost smiled in delight, like a child and yet so old, "How have you been?"

Sandy conjured up the sand to give a thumbs-up. Jack chuckled; the guardian of dreams was as fun as ever to hang out with.

Both guardians floated down to the ground, as they knew they'd have a long talk, more one-sided than not. They exchanged greetings as they gradually descended in to a dark, mysterious forest below. Its shadows seemed to stretch longer than realistically, as if it was foreboding what was to come.

As the pair landed lightly, without warning, the damp, pale green grass gave way to an endless tunnel below. The guardians of dreams and fun, slightly startled but not overly, hovered about the tunnel entrance.

Jack, being the curious one, shrugged with a hint of asking, 'What can you do about it?' before diving right in to the tunnel. Of course, it wouldn't be Jack Frost if he didn't have a slight edge of annoyance and was looking forward to icing some of the Easter Bunny's tunnel on the way down.

Sandy silently sighed; he agreed. It wasn't as if Bunny would open his tunnels for them for nothing; there must be some logical reason for it. He quickly followed the winter sprite down the dark tunnel, wondering what was awaiting them.

* * *

A burst of wind and fresh, fallen snow gave way to the warm spring air as the Prince of Winter arrived. Following not long after, the Guardian of Dreams arrived too. Sparkling, golden sand exploded out of the tunnel and both guardians gazed around in wonder.

It never ceased to amaze them; the Easter Warren was full of flowers, eggs and mostly… hope. For all that it was worth; Jack barely managed to contain his urge to ice this place up in to a winter wonderland. Once you got past the flowers and eggs, you could see thousands of hectares of fresh green grass, hills and multicoloured rivers flowing east to west, north to south.

However, in the distance, sounds of metal clashing against metal, and the unmistakable sound of rushing streams of sound were echoed through to them.

Jack and Sandy immediately knew something was wrong. It was not like the Easter Bunny's warren to have sounds of sparring or fighting, in that matter.

The two guardians shot across the luxurious fields of emerald and occasionally spots of pink, yellow and blue, leaving behind a trail of bicoloured sand and snowflakes. A golden, blue and white trail was left behind, descending down little by little.

As they flew closer, the sounds magnified and were suddenly all around them. Both guardians rushed through a larger tunnel with glittering sand and snow in their long gone shadows. Suddenly, they emerged in a place full of black figures, fearlings, and people… made of midnight black sand. In the midst of the battle, the Easter Bunny himself was swinging his boomerang around with North and Tooth not far behind.

Jack lingered behind when Sandy shot off in to the battle, barely saving Tooth from getting rammed by a nightmare. Jack stared at the massive amounts of fearlings; was Pitch back? And if so, how did he get so much power in such a short time (at least, short in spirit years)?

Quickly shaking his head to clear off the thoughts, he knew he had to concentrate on what was before him; not what was going to be later in the future. A rupture of snow blasted the guardian of fun in to the middle to join with his fellow friends.

* * *

Yetis rushed to and fro, continuing to do what they were told. Phil, named by Jack Frost himself, was the temporary leader after Santa Claus had fallen in to a hole. He sighed with his head in his furry hands; that Easter Bunny couldn't have pulled their boss out at a better time. There was one week until Christmas and yet, they were slightly off schedule after the elves pulled their big oven fiasco… that caused a fire spreading around the warehouse; he could have added.

Phil felt proud as he overlooked his fellow yetis working on the toys they were appointed. Baby yetis were experimenting on new ideas and older yetis were all set to work. There was another yeti who was resting after re-painting a set of action figures red after he had painted them yellow… If Phil could recall, that yeti was also the one that had to repaint the toy robots and eggs during that great Pitch incident.

Phil grimaced at the thought, no longer wanting to ponder about it. He stepped off the lift he was in, and sauntered past the globe. Then, he skidded to a stop abruptly. With a few steps backward, he glanced towards the globe again.

There. That person… on the globe… It can't be. The slim figure hopped over to the continent of Asia and with one foot, he stomped on a bright light in Russia. As his foot left the place, he jumped and his feet landed on to a light in Kazakhstan and another light in Iraq. Another prance, and there went a light in Turkey.

Phil felt sick to his stomach; with a garbled yell, he ran to the panel next to the globe. With a twist and slam of his hand, the globe began to glow brightly with the Northern lights.

He knew it could be possible, but those lights… that man. If this wasn't proof, he didn't know what was. The bright lights were gone once his feet left the place. "Pitch!" he yelled in his Sasquatch language.

The man didn't reply as he continued to staunch all the glows of the world. How did Pitch Black get so powerful? The guardians still had tons of belief…? So why?

Phil bit his bottom lip. Hopefully, the guardians will be here soon. Until then, the yetis would have to try and get rid of the threat themselves.

What he didn't know was… that the guardians were underground. Fighting. And there were no Northern lights underground.

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Hopefully, the quality of this drabble series didn't change… hopefully. My writing isn't that bad… is it? TT-TT Please tell me!

IMPORTANT: My friend, who was working with me up until now, is completely… unmotivated, for a lack of better vocabulary. So… since I will be the only one working on this chapter… you know what this means. I know, I know, you already hate me for updating so late; and now you'll hate me even more. However, there's good news. This chapter is the first part of a three-part story, so therefore the next two chapters will be updated quicker than… whatever speed I (or rather, we) have been working with. This trilogy is more rated 'T' than the ones we have done, more towards the violence.

Also, there's a new system on my profile, where I update my status on all the stories. And as soon as I post this chapter, a new status update will come up. Stay tuned, and hopefully, I'll be up to date with all of that!

And of course, please review! \(O-O)/


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